{"id":45049,"date":"2019-04-01T00:01:55","date_gmt":"2019-03-31T14:01:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/?p=45049"},"modified":"2019-04-01T11:08:42","modified_gmt":"2019-04-01T01:08:42","slug":"hotel-contraception","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/hotel-contraception\/","title":{"rendered":"Hot new stay! Introducing Hotel Contraception"},"content":{"rendered":"

Updated at 12pm 1 April 2019.<\/em><\/p>\n

Sorry, friends! As much as we know you love the Hotel Contraception, this is nothing more than an April Fools\u2019 joke. Book your own getaway \u2013 with or without kids \u2013 with one of this week\u2019s hottest deals<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all heard of ‘babymoons\u2019 but what about a \u2018pre-conception-moon\u2019? Well, they\u2019re here at last! Introducing the Hotel Contraception. It\u2019s a world-first accommodation concept that taps into a previously unmet need in the travel market to give unsuspecting kid-free couples a taste of what life as a parent is really<\/em> like.<\/p>\n

Specialising in weekend retreats, a spokesperson for the property says the Hotel Contraception offers \u201ca temporary experience of family life while you\u2019ve still got the time to change your mind\u201d.<\/p>\n

Thanks to specially developed technology, guests get to \u2018enjoy\u2019 features like bathroom doors that open themselves every time<\/strong><\/em> you sit down to go to the toilet and baby-cry wake-up calls all through the night, perfectly timed to strike just<\/strong> <\/em>after you\u2019ve managed to fall sleep again.<\/p>\n

Foodie guests will want to secure a reservation at the highly esteemed \u2018I-Don\u2019t-Like-Anything-You-Cook\u2019 restaurant. It opens at 4pm and closes promptly at 6pm every night \u2013 because eating dinner while it\u2019s still daylight is the new trend, don\u2019t you know? Hot tip: Eat fast! The staff will occasionally throw food in your face, just because.<\/p>\n

The Hotel Contraception also offers excursions, which are not to be missed! Choose from a day-tour of all the local sporting grounds to experience the joys of weekend kids\u2019 sport. Or go for the \u2018party tour\u2019 \u2013 an introduction to the world of kids\u2019 birthday parties. Hope you like fairy bread \ud83d\ude09 Just don\u2019t forget to bring a present \ud83c\udf81<\/p>\n

If this isn\u2019t enough to make you want to book a stay ASAP, the extra features below will be sure to get you feeling clicky (not to be confused with clucky \ud83e\udd14):
\n<\/p>\n

Decorative Lego<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Just one of many bold and unique design features, the Hotel Contraception has loose Lego pieces adorning the floor in places you\u2019d least expect. Remove your shoes at your own risk.<\/p>\n

Advice from strangers<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Completely unsolicited. And all the time!<\/p>\n

Lukewarm coffee<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Because who wants their morning latte hot anyway?<\/p>\n

Cash collection<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Upon entering the hotel, guests will be asked to empty most of their money into a bin. The exact amount is randomised and always a surprise.<\/p>\n

Spag-bol-smeared wallpaper<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Made with real spaghetti bolognese you can actually eat (if you dare).<\/p>\n

A jam-packed itinerary<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Who needs free time? Instead, you and your partner will get to experience cooking, washing, cleaning and dancing to the Wiggles like a crazy person. And when you\u2019re done, do it all again!<\/p>\n

A yellow pool<\/strong><\/h3>\n

With a guaranteed pee-to-water ratio of 20-80 or above, there\u2019s a pretty solid chance you\u2019ll get to do your morning laps all by yourself (if you can dodge the multiple floating pool toys).<\/p>\n\n

In a not-to-be-missed grand finale, guests who make it to the last day of the retreat will be rewarded with the kind of perks that make your heart explode. We\u2019re talking a plug-in diffuser of newborn smell, an excuse to watch Frozen\/The Lego Movie\/Aladdin<\/em> 17 times in a week with zero judgement, and the world\u2019s best cuddle (complete with squishy little arms around your neck) from someone who loves you more than anyone else in the world.<\/p>\n

Excuse us… *sniff*<\/strong> We all have something in our eyes… \ud83d\ude2d<\/p>\n

Ready to take the plunge? Book your stay at the Hotel Contraception from 12pm today and get ready for the holiday of a lifetime!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Updated at 12pm 1 April 2019. Sorry, friends! As much as we know you love the Hotel Contraception, this is..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":166,"featured_media":45071,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[116,9],"tags":[2053,2035,4774,4775],"acf":{"credits":[{"name":"","label":"","full_url":""}],"enable_review_score":false},"posts_api_cpm_point":"","amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45049"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/166"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45049"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45049\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45076,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45049\/revisions\/45076"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/45071"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45049"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45049"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lastminute.com.au\/vc\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45049"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}